do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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