Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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