even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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