he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize