a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
