He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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