I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
