I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
