so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
