I am puke
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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