Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
