dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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