it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize