I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
