R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
