Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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