Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
