My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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