just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
