I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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