Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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