If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
