I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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