I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
