Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
