Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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