we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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