Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize