She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
