she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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