I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
