Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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