soooo we both peed the bed last night...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize