can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
