i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
