day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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