I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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