I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize