I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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