Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
