i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
