I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
