pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
