i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
