I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
