My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
