For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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