I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
