I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
