Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
