I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
