She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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