pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
