i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
