The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
