i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize