He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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