im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
