6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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