i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Bring me that man meat
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I FOUND THE LEGS
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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