What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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