Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
