I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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