I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
