I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we made out on top of his cat.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
