I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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