He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
