I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
