im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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