Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
