And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
