think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
