i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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