I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
