I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
